[Pretend] Good Days & [Really] Bad Days

I don't always want to be the Negative Nelly of this blog, but what's the point of a blog if everything is fluffed up and edited, right? The reality of this disease is that it makes for very few good days and very often bad days. It comes and goes (probably due to the swings in hormone levels) but it never goes...away. It is relentless and unforgiving and no matter how strong of a figher Elisha is, it gets the best of her at all costs. Just when it starts to get better, it get worse. For perspective, keep in mind that these bad days I am referring to are pre-treatment and for all but the past couple weeks, where days where we had no idea what could be causing the symptoms creating them.

There is really no such thing as good days when someone is suffering from the symptoms of it. There are better days than others, but no days are GOOD. By good, I mean full energy, smooth sailing, worry free days. Days where Elisha can get out of bed feeling rested, or doesn't have to worry about eating something and getting sick, or days when we don't have to worry when the energy is going to be sucked right out of her, no matter where we are or what we are doing at that moment when it happens. These days just don't come anymore.

Right now we seem to be on the downside of things. The better days have been seldom lately and by better, I mean those where there are no severe symptoms. Where she can actually get out of bed, get ready, AND have the energy to leave the house. Those days where we can ride our bikes around the neighborhood or walk the dogs. Those days where she can even make it through a 90 minute Bikram yoga session. Those days where she can be in a social setting and manage to not show any ill effects. Where she can eat a meal and not feel extremely uncomfortable afterwards.Those are the [pretend] good days.

The bad days look drastically different. Today would be categorized as one of them. She couldn't get to sleep last night/ this morning. She didn't wake up (the final time) until 2pm and that was because I woke her up. Her energy is low and she woke up feeling sick and in pain. She is very uncomfortable and that makes her upset. When she is upset, she gets frustrated and doesn't want me around. She gets mad when I ask what's wrong (as if something is right), and she tells me to leave her alone. So, despite the fact that I was off work today, I have seen her for about 10 minutes all day (7pm right now).I have to give her the space she needs during this time but it eats me up inside more than you could know.

The hope in all of this is that treatment is coming soon. Our visit with the doctor is less than a week away. We understand from his website that he practices natural thyroid treatment and this makes us excited, as most doctors want to push synthetics. We are starting to have hope that he will finally be the one to help. More hope than we have had in a long time about a doctor. While this doctor has not proved a thing to us, the reviews we have read, information given to us by a current thyroid patient of his, and the information provided on his website give us HOPE. Maybe the good days are within reach...